Collaboration and Inclusion

She sat down and told me that since the beginning of June she had been living with her grandmother. Her mother, for the time being, was not able to be with her and she thought she would have to be with her grandmother for at least the next few months. When I asked what it was like to live her grandmother her response was, "A little crazy". So, I asked what that looked like and she recounted a horrible story that happened earlier this summer. Suffice it to say her grandmother had to be hospitalized and placed on suicide watch for 72 hours, and this young scholar was asked to live with an auntie until the grandmother recovered.

For this student, and in that moment, the pain was deep.

We went on to discuss what some of the values of her family were. Her father is big into collecting scrap metal and selling it for an additional income. She described him as a rough and tough guy who took care of business when he needed to. There was a smile on her face as she talked about how food gets stuck in his "really really long beard". This scholar described her mother as strict and determined. She recounted a morning when her mother was determined that the two could figure out how to fix a light fixture in their apartment so they could avoid dealing with the landlord. Sure her mom got a bit of an electrical shock, she says, but at the end of the day they got the job done.

There was a consensus that her family was strong and determined to do things the way they believed was best and in a way that didn't require them to ask for help.

The scholar said she holds those family values were instilled in her and that she lived them out on a daily basis.

And then she connected the dots that her family values of strong and determined were being perceived as stubborn and defiant in the school setting.

But why? 

In the fifteen minutes I had with this young lady I learned that in the past two years she has been required to grow up much quicker than a "typical" 11-year-old. And when she showed up as her authentic self, afraid to open up or give anything of herself to the classroom environment, she was asked to leave. The report shared that she was a defiant young lady who would not take redirection from the adults in the room and that a previous talk with a member of the support staff was "not effective". 

Are we were asking this student to conform to the norms we as educators are comfortable with, rather than modifying the norms to meet the needs of our students?

The values instilled in this scholar by means of her family were found to be in juxtaposition with the norms of the classroom. Her strong and determined will were found to be disruptive and defiant. The families desire to solve their own problems was viewed as an unwillingness to work with staff and comply with their requests. This young lady was asked to modify who she was in order to meet the classes needs, and not her own. 

The reality is that if her own needs were met first, this scholar was more than willing to participate for the good of the class. If the question would have been asked as to why she wasn't being compliant there is a great possibility that her "defiant behavior" never would have occurred. As a bonus, there would have been the chance for the teacher and scholar to build a relationship. A relationship that if built could carry a lot of positive weight in the classroom and in this young lady's academics. 

So my push to this teacher, my push to all teachers and administrators is to never forget the importance of a pause. Never allow compliance to be more important than a personal story. Ignore the desire to control and instead push ourselves to find ways to be more collaborative. Not collaborative with other staff, but with our students. Student voice is one way our scholars feel empowered and our classrooms become more inclusive. 

My goal, and the goal for my staff, is to be more inclusive and collaborative with our students and less about compliance and control.