Stomp Out Bullying - But Dig Deeper

Today both my son and I suited up in orange to show our support for the efforts to #stompoutbullying and do our part to speak up when we see others being bullied. I showed up to my building today to a sea of teachers wearing orange to also show their support and to be allies to scholars who are being bullied. It was encouraging to walk into a building that wants to confront social issues as a team and to support scholars who need it most. But as I walked the building, I was reminded of a comment shared I heard at a recent conference.

"Bullying, although serious and painful, is often the visible sign of a deeper seeded issue."

There was a young lady sitting in my office just the other day, slamming her fist into her hand and very determined to "approach" another young lady who had been "talking stuff". She laid out all the classic pieces of bullying; persistent and pointed harassment toward a person. Over the past few weeks the young lady in my office had heard things like, "get out of here lesbo" and "nobody likes a dyke". This young lady also happens to currently have a girlfriend and is more than happy to walk down the hall holding her hand. She reported to me through angry tears that they have had things thrown at them in recent days when in the hallway. On almost a daily basis (she could only think of one day in two weeks) she has been bullied by a group of other young ladies in the building both in class and in passing time. 

Our building does a phenomenal job of handling bullying. We have two extremely caring counselors, two phenomenal social workers, and a ton of teaching and support staff who are willing and ready to wrap their arms around scholars who need it when they are being bullied. And so there are systems and protocols in place to deal with bullying. 

I absolutely went through the steps we have in place when bullying is reported and the young lady made her way from my office down to the counseling office. A phone call was made home to inform mom of the support being given, and one day later there was a mediation between my scholar and the leader of the girls group bullying her. After the mediation, there was forward progress and the bullying had subsided. 

That young lady found me this morning in the hallway, again pounding her own fist into her other hand, and said, "I can't do it anymore and I'm just going to have to deal with this in my own way." After spending another 15 minutes with her and the counselor in my office, we were able to come up with some solutions and sent her back to class. But...

Can I dig deeper?

Did you catch the foundation of the bullying? The young lady and her sexual orientation. She has been picked on at an extremely high rate this year because she has been open and willing to share with the school and fellow scholars that she is a lesbian. So when I sit on the issue for another minute, I am reminded that bullying is just the surface issue. 

I spent some more time with my counselor after our conversation with my student to discuss what was at the core of the bullying. We both recognized that the true issue here was that these young ladies were unfairly and unkindly challenging the lifestyle of this student. They were, from what we could gather, against her lifestyle and were displaying their dislike in an extremely inappropriate manner. And we realized if we truly wanted the issue to be resolved we had to have a further conversation with the other young ladies about what was going on. 

The counselor and I spent the next 30 minutes with the young ladies talking about what was at the core of the bullying and why it was not okay. We talked more about they why of their actions than the how of their actions. Stories were shared and eventually some "aha's" were had. Upon leaving my office the girls agreed to back off, and when the time was right they would apologize to the young lady. Our hope is that they do, and that the bullying stops. But our work can't stop there.

Bullying so often can be traced back to a deeper seeded issue that needs to be addressed for both the bully and the victim. If that work of digging deeper isn't done, then the issue will never be resolved. There is a chance that the bully and victim we address in that moment may go on without further issues, but there is a higher likelihood that the bully will repeat their actions if I don't dig deeper and address the core of the bullying actions. If I don't push my scholars to gain a broader perspective and if I don't give them tools to navigate when their own beliefs are challenged, then I am truly doing a disservice to all my scholars. 

So, yes, we need to make a collective effort to #stompoutbullying! But I would be remiss if I didn't push myself and the staff in my building to be willing to take the time and dig deeper!